Light in the Night
by Nubian Queen
Summary: Set directly after 'Sacrifice of Angels'. Kira has an unexpected visitor who convinces her to try and help Dukat through his grief.
1. Default Chapter

_Author's Note This story takes place right after "Sacrifice of Angels" and pre "Waltz". Basically, it's a what if. I never liked the way Dukat's character always seemed to get shafted. I think they could have played up the complexities of his character much better than they did. Misguided he may have been, but truly evil? Nah._

_Please let me know if you think this is any good. And don't flame me to hard if I mess up on some of the culture issues. I'm not all up on Bajoran and Cardassian culture._

_Oh, and by the way, I don't own any of it, I'm just borrowing it for awhile. So unless you really want a set of used DS9 DVDs and some car tires, please don't sue. That's about all I have that's worth anything. _

Kira sat in her quarters, blankly staring at the wall. Over and over again, the events of the morning had played through her head. As hard as she tried, she couldn't get them to go away so now she sat, letting them have their way with her.

This morning had been the funeral service for Ziyal. Most everyone she knew had been there. Benjamin had made the address but he had asked her to do the eulogy since she had been the closest to her other than...her father. It had been an understood fact that he would not be able or allowed to do it. Even so, he had been there, albeit under guard, although Nerys had to admit to herself that even she didn't think he was capable of doing anything then. He had hardly looked aware of where he was, staring straight ahead with a fixed and glazed look to his eyes. It had been somewhat disturbing to her. This was a Dukat she was unfamiliar with and that made her uncomfortable. When she had stood to speak, he had looked briefly at her, almost as if he saw her and then his gaze had dropped back into that glazed and unseeing look.

It had been, for lack of a better descriptive, creepy.

After the service, she had vacillated over whether or not to say something to him. She didn't think it would be right to say nothing at all, and she knew Ziyal would have appreciated the gesture so she had approached him, wondering if he would even acknowledge her presence. So far, he had done a wonderful job of ignoring absolutely everything and everyone around him. She stood beside him for a moment and studied him. He was her enemy. She knew that. Even so, her feelings regarding him were so complex. At the moment, she couldn't really feel anything for him except a kind of irritated pity. Ziyal had loved him and, despite her personal prejudice towards him, Kira acknowledged the fact that he had loved his daughter. Drawing heavily on that knowledge, she reached out and placed her hand on his forearm.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Dukat," Kira swallowed hard and continued, "Ziyal was special to all of us." Kira halted, a sudden surge of emotion welling up and choking her. Oh, Ziyal, how could she say what she trying to say? Suddenly, a Bajoran phrase from long ago rose up in her mind and in a tear-filled voice she quoted,

"We who loved her, will miss her. May her spirit find joy with the Prophets."

Dukat continued to stare straight ahead.

Flustered at her own emotionality, Kira turned to leave. She had only gone a few steps when the quietest of whispers caught her ear.

"Nerys..."

She turned back, to see Dukat looking at her. He caught her gaze with his own and she flinched at what she saw there. It was a look she had seen all too often on Bajor. Pain, anguish, the despairing gaze of someone who feels they have nothing left to live for. She was held immobile by that speaking look for the barest of moments before his eyes once again shielded that window inward with the glazed look that had become familiar over the past couple of days. Shaken and not a little confused, she had hurriedly left the assembly and made her way to Ops.

As she sat at her station, sifting through reports, she couldn't seem to get that awful gaze out of her mind. She kept seeing Ziyal and Dukat as she had last seen them together, Dukat sitting in the corridor, holding Ziyal's lifeless body in his arms, curled protectively over her as if there still was something left of life to protect. They had had to pry her out of his arms. She had never seen anyone, not even during the Occupation, who looked as totally crushed and defeated. It had made her acutely uncomfortable to see her seemingly untouchable enemy in such a state. Why should it bother her? Dukat did not deserve her pity, and any and all connection she had with him because of Ziyal was now moot. Why then could she not get the vision of his look out of her mind?

"MAJOR!"

"What!" startled, Kira jumped in her seat and spun around to find Captain Sisko staring down at her, an odd expression on his face.

"Major, I have been trying to hail you but you did not answer. We had a meeting scheduled at 1100."

Kira paled. "What time is it?"

"1145"

Kira jumped to her feet, feeling the blood begin to rise in a heated tide up her face. "Captain, I…"

"No need for apologies, Major," Sisko smiled grimly, "I think we've all been a little distracted today." Sisko paused, looking thoughtfully at the deck below him. "Kira, I'd like for you to do something for me?"

"Yes, Captain?"

He looked back up at her, an inscrutable expression on his face, "Take the next couple of days off."

Kira looked stunned. Before she could retort, he continued, "You've done an outstanding job of holding this station together, Major, as I knew you would. I know that dealing with all you've had to deal with in the past few months must have been, to say the least, stressful and...I know how fond of Ziyal you were. Take the days," he urged gently, "You've earned it and, if I may say so, you need it as well."

"Captain..." Kira started to protest.

"Major," Captain Sisko firmed his voice, "I would rather not make this an order, but if I have to, I will. I need you operating at full capacity in order to get this station back to normal and I know from experience that until you deal with...everything, it is not going to happen."

Kira dropped her head, acknowledging the truth of the Captain's words. She slowly got to her feet then nodded her head wearily in understanding to the captain.

"I understand, Captain. You know how to find me if you need me." With that, Kira turned and headed away.

Sisko frowned. Now he knew something was wrong. The major never acquiesced that easily.


	2. Chapter 2

Kira wandered slowly down the Promenade and stopped in front of the entrance to the temple. She stepped inside and took a position in the back. The temple was devoid of people at this time of day but it was always open for those who wished to come and pray. She settled herself in the typical prayer position and tried to clear her mind. Usually, the peacefulness of the temple helped her to settle her emotions and calm her thoughts. But today it wasn't working. She prayed

fervently to the Prophets for peace, for insight into her disturbed thoughts but it seemed useless.

If anything, she felt even more confused and chaotic. Finally, frustrated with her unfruitful efforts, she said a prayer for Ziyal and rose to her feet.

Exiting the temple, Kira felt slightly angered at her lack of success in settling herself.

Oh well, since prayer hadn't worked, it was time for plan B.

With that thought in mind, Kira marched resolutely toward Quark's.

Entering the noisy establishment, she made her way to the bar. Quark, having seen her enter, met her as she reached it.

"Major, what can I do for you?"

"What's the strongest thing you have?"

Quark eyed the major for a moment. He had been at the service for Ziyal this morning and he had a hunch as to how hard the major was taking the loss of the young woman. He had observed the close interaction between the two. After all, it was part of his business to notice these kinds of things.

"Well, major, the strongest thing that I have on hand would of course be Cardassian kanar. However, knowing your sentiments toward all things Cardassian, my next best suggestion would be Saarian brandy. Shall I pour you a glass?"

"Give me a bottle of kanar and two of the brandy. Charge it to my account."

Now Quark was really worried. The major never drank more than a glass of anything at a time. He tried frantically to think of a reason to not give her what she was asking for and tried stalling.

"Major, you know I can't have you pouring your own drinks. It would look bad and might even be bad for business."

Kira was in no mood for equivocating. She reached across the bar and grabbed the Ferengi by his lobes. Yanking him closer, she hissed into his ear, "I don't care if its bad for business, Quark. It'll be bad for your continued existence if I don't get what I asked for pronto."

Hastily deciding discretion was the better part of valor, Quark backed away from the major and her dangerous grip and reached for the requested bottles. He placed them on the counter before the major and quickly scuttled backward, watching from a safe distance as she turned and left the establishment, bottles in hand.

He let out an exasperated sigh. Sometimes it just didn't pay to try to help people.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Kira quickly made her way to her quarters. The stress from the day and the past several months was beginning to swamp her. She stepped into the darkened interior of her home and made her way to the replicator for a glass. She didn't bother with the lights. There was enough faint starlight for her to distinguish where everything was at and besides, the dark perfectly suited her gloomy mood. She took her prizes over to the couch, dropped into the floor in front of it and placed her glass and two bottles on the low table in front of her.

Where to start?

Kira picked up the bottle of brandy and poured herself a measure into the glass. She figured by the time she had finished off the bottle, she'd hopefully be too drunk to care that the other bottle was kanar.

Nasty stuff, kanar. She wondered how anyone, anyone other than a Cardassian that is, could bear to drink it. Although she had to admit, if one was simply looking to get utterly wasted in as short a time as possible, it was the best bet. It was wickedly strong stuff.

She downed her shot of brandy and poured herself another. She quickly downed that one too.

She had never felt so depressed in her life. For some reason, it felt like every awful thing that had happened in her life was coming back now to haunt her. Why today? Of all days, when she already had so much to deal with? When she still had yet to deal with Ziyal's death? She poured herself another.

She wanted to cry. To scream. To rail against fate and the Prophets for all the awful things that had happened to date. She dropped her head and let loose a dry sob. Pitiful Was she so lacking in feeling that she couldn't even honestly weep for the girl that had been the closest thing to a daughter that she would likely ever have? Her tears for herself had turned to dust long ago but didn't Ziyal deserve for her to weep at her passing?

It depressed her even more to think that _Dukat_ could show more emotion than she over Ziyal's passing. A man she had always credited with not having any real feelings for anyone and he was more distraught than she was. What was wrong with her?

She began to regain a measure of calm as the level of the bottle became less and less. She stared blearily at the picture on the wall in front of her, trying to bring it into focus. She knew what it was. It was one of Ziyal's paintings. She remembered the young woman giving it to her on the occasion of her acceptance into the art school. It was very good. It depicted a Bajoran meadow with the B'nar mountains in the distance. Kira had always loved the B'nar mountains. She remembered Bareil mentioning once that he had always been fond of them too.

She suddenly leaned her head forward onto the table and began to weep. Deep, racking sobs tore up through her. Her grief consumed her. She felt as if she were weeping not only for Ziyal but for every thing in her life that had gone wrong. She slowly fell over onto her side, continuing to cry into the plush carpet. She cried and cried until she had no more tears left. As she lay there, a deep exhaustion overcame her and she gratefully let herself retreat into the oblivion of sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note

Everything that appears in asterisk is meant to be stressed for emphasis. Things that appear in is a thought of the character.

Now, on with the show.

Kira opened her eyes. She was still lying on the floor. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and put a hand to her head. After her bout of drinking and weeping, she had expected it to try and fall off as she sat up but to her surprise, she felt amazingly clear-headed.

 She looked around her quarters. It was still dark but she had the uncanny feeling that she wasn't still alone.

She scanned her eyes over the large common room carefully. There. Over at her computer terminal. Although it was too dark to see clearly, Kira could just make out the faint outline of a humanoid shape in the desk chair. Slowly and as unobtrusively as possible, she gathered her feet under her and prepared to fight if necessary.

"It's alright, you know. I'm not going to do anything."

Kira shook her head. She must still be suffering from the brandy. The voice she thought she had heard couldn't possibly be right.

"Oh, but it is. I assure you, I am definitely who you think I am."

Kira stared helplessly at the figure behind her desk as it stood and moved around in front of the viewing portal, letting the starlight pour over her features. It was Ziyal.

Kira shook her head and stood, backing away.

"No, this isn't real. You're dead!"

"Oh, come on, Nerys! You're Bajoran, you should know that spirits exist!"

Kira stopped at that. She, whoever she was, had a point. In Bajoran custom, spirits did exist and even sometimes spoke to the living before they made their transition to the Celestial Temple. She supposed it was entirely reasonable for Ziyal to be a spirit. She was, after all, half Bajoran.

Kira straightened her stance and looked at the young woman (spirit?) in front of her.

"Ziyal?" she said hesitantly.

The spirit broke into a wide grin and stepped closer.

"Yes." she reached out a hand to Nerys and gestured for her to sit on the couch.

Suddenly, Ziyal started laughing.

"Please, Kira, sit down before you fall down," with a mischievous gleam in her eyes she continued, "Why, honestly, you look as though you've seen a ghost!"

Kira grinned wryly at the awful joke. That definitely sounded like Ziyal. She had always had her father's warped sense of humor.

She edged her way back to the couch and sat cautiously on one end. Ziyal then casually sat herself on the other. They sat there for a moment before Kira could no longer stand it and blurted out the question uppermost in her mind, "What are you doing here?"

Ziyal's pleasant expression turned very solemn at her question.

"I'm here for you...and for my father."

"Why? I mean, don't take this wrong but, you're dead, aren't you supposed to be past all...this?" Kira gestured significantly around her.

"Just because I've left the living realm, you think I no longer care what happens in it? That I no longer care about you or my father or my friends?"

"Has anyone else seen you?"

Ziyal looked down at her hands, folded in her lap.

"No. Father," she sighed and closed her eyes, "Father would not be able to hear or see me at the moment and, even if he could, I hardly think it would be in his best interest to hear from me right now. As for Garak," she smiled sadly, "He knows how to deal with his grief."

Kira looked confused, "So then, why come to me? I mean, granted, neither of them are what I would consider 'spiritually in tune' by any stretch of the imagination, but I would think that your father, at least, would very much like to see you, especially now."

Ziyal looked at her, "Kira, my father is dangerously on the edge of insanity right now. I don't intend to do anything that would make it any worse."

Kira sighed and rolled her eyes, "Look, Ziyal, I know you love your father but he is not exactly beyond faking insanity to try and escape. This is probably only part of his plan to..."

Ziyal broke in angrily, "No, you look! I know you have your reasons for hating the Cardassians but for you to place all the blame and all your hatred onto my father is completely unfair!

Kira was stunned. Ziyal had never spoken like that before. She answered cautiously, "I don't place all my hatred onto your father. Believe me, I have enough for all Cardassians."

"Oh, is that so? Then I suppose you hate me as well?"

"You know that's not true and anyway, you're half Bajoran. And that's beside the point."

"Oh, is it? You have always claimed that you hate all Cardassians but what about Tekeny and Marrizta?" At Kira's shocked looked, she smirked and continued. "Oh, yes, I know about them now too. Why is it OK for you to forgive them and yet continue to hold such a grudge against my father? You say that my father has never done anything good or worthwhile in his life so what does that make ME, Kira? I know very well that he has done some awful things in his life, I'm not excusing that, all I'm saying is that trying to make him out to be the Bajoran equivalent of the devil is unfair. He's just a man, Nerys. And right now, he's a man with a lot of regrets and pain to deal with."

Kira looked belligerent.

"I'm sorry, Ziyal, but his pain and regrets are not my problem."

Ziyal looked exasperated, "Dammit, Kira, Why can't you give him some slack? I know that you care about him."

"Me? Care about Dukat? Has death deluded your senses? You know perfectly well how much I care for your father!"

Ziyal looked suddenly amused, "As a matter of fact, yes, I DO know how much you care for my father and that is partly why I'm here," her face suddenly lost its animation as she solemnly stated, "You're the only one who can bring him back, Nerys."

Kira slanted her a suspicious look, "What are you talking about?"

"First, let me ask you a question. Did it not occur to you to wonder how I knew the answers to the questions you asked when you first saw me?"

"What questions?"

"Is this person about to attack me? And, 'It can't possibly be Ziyal, can it?' Those are the questions I'm referring to."

"But I didn't ask..." Kira stopped mid- sentence as she realized she had asked those questions...in her mind.

She paled and whispered hoarsely, "How did you know?"

Ziyal smirked, looking for a moment the very image of her father, "Oh, did I forget to mention? One of the admittedly few perks to being deceased is telepathy."

Kira still appeared shocked, "So you can read everything in my mind?"

"Well," Ziyal admitted, "not everything, but most of it. It's how I found out and why I came."

"Found out what?"

"How you really feel about my father."


	5. Chapter 5

Kira sat, stunned into immobility by the statement the young woman across from her had just made.

How she really felt about Dukat? She hated him, of course! Didn't she?

Kira forced her suddenly stiff lips to move. "What do you mean?"

Ziyal sighed and leaned forward, capturing Kira's gaze with her own.

She spoke gently, "I think you know what I mean, Nerys. You may have managed to banish it to your subconscious, but I can see it. I know you and my father have had a turbulent history, to say the least. But I also know from experience that love and hate walk a very fine line. You might even say they're two sides of the same disk."

Kira looked away, uncomfortable with the direction this seemed to be going.

"So what do you want from me exactly, Ziyal?"

"I want you to be happy, Nerys and not so full of anger and hate. I want you and my father to make peace and I want you to help my father face his grief. Help him hold on to his dignity, to his sanity." Ziyal saw the stubborn yet wavering look on Kira's face.

"Please, Nerys, do this for me." and for yourself as well

Kira looked back at the pleading eyes of the spirit Ziyal. How could she refuse her? The answer was...she couldn't. And Ziyal knew it.

"All right."

"Promise?"

Kira sighed expansively, "Yes, Ziyal, I promise."

Ziyal smiled, a smile so full of love and gratitude that Kira almost started crying again. The spirit Ziyal suddenly cocked her head to the side as if listening to something. She then turned to Kira with a sad smile.

"It's time for me to go now, Nerys. Please, remember what I've told you. And please... remember that I love you."

Kira's eyes filled with tears at Ziyal's words. She tried to speak, but her throat was clogged with tears as well, so she said with her mind what she couldn't say with her voice.

I love you too, daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

Kira opened her eyes. She was still lying on the floor. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and put a hand to her head. It felt as if it was about to roll off of her body back onto the floor. At least she knew without a doubt that she was really awake this time. She couldn't possibly feel this bad if she were dreaming.

She propped herself up against the couch and tried to think. Had she been dreaming? She could have sworn she had just had a conversation with Ziyal. Everything about it had seemed so real. Kira gingerly leaned her head back against the couch and closed her eyes again. She called to mind the conversation she had just had. And she knew it had been real. Bajorans believed in the spirit realm and she knew enough to know that she had been in touch with it. It was almost comforting to her to have this little bit of actual proof that one did exist past death. She was extremely grateful to the Prophets to know that Ziyal had been accepted despite being half Cardassian.

She suddenly squeezed her eyes shut even tighter. Oh,no. The promise! She had made a promise to a spirit. Damn. What had she been thinking? In Bajoran custom, an oath made in the spirit realm was as binding as an oath to the Prophets. She knew that she could not break it without compromising her hope of entering the Celestial Temple. She wondered morosely if Ziyal had been aware of that when she had asked her. Probably. If Kira was being honest with herself, and she was, she had to admit that a spirit oath would probably be the only way that she would not renege on her promise to help Dukat.

Well, Ziyal had always been a clever girl. Kira moodily wondered if that was yet another trait inherited from her sire.

So now here she sat, staring blankly at the wall, going over and over everything that had happened thus far. She contemplated what to do. She knew that she couldn't just blithely walk into wherever Dukat was at and begin talking. He would never listen. She needed an opening of some kind. But what?

Suddenly, Kira had an idea. She didn't know if it would work or not but she had to give it a shot. But first, she had to find out where here quarry was being kept.

"Computer, locate of Gul Dukat."

"Gul Dukat is in his quarters."

That was a surprise. She had expected him to be in the brig. She had expected Captain Sisko would have immediately claimed his own quarters back. Maybe Dukat was worse off than she had thought. Well, no matter. She knew where his quarters were at. She stood up and immediately her stomach lurched. She shuffled her way over to the replicator and ordered up a cup of raktajino and Quark's Quick Fix. She'd never tried the hangover remedy before but she knew a few crew members who absolutely swore by it. She downed it quickly and then took a quick drink of her coffee. After a couple of minutes, she actually did start to feel less nauseous.  She made a mental note to thank Quark and see if Julian could analyze what was in that stuff.

She started moving around the room, collecting the items she needed.

"Computer, what is the current time?"

"It is currently 19:42."

Damn. It was quite a bit later than she had thought but it didn't matter. Still feeling a little woozy, she went back to the replicator and ordered some herbal tea and some retamba stew. She needed something in her stomach besides coffee to help counter the effects of the alcohol she had consumed. She was going to need all her wits about her for this. Finishing her meal, she double checked to make sure she had everything she needed then headed for the door. Kira had never been one to try and put off a task, unpleasant or otherwise and besides, a promise was a promise.


	7. Chapter 7

As she approached Dukat's quarters, Kira began to question if what she was doing was the right thing. What if she only made things worse? Perhaps Ziyal had been mistaken. After all, it wasn't as if she and Dukat had the kind of relationship that would actually be good for the ailing mind.

To her surprise, when she arrived there was only one guard posted at the door to his quarters.

"Lieutenant, are you the only guard on duty here?"

The guard took one look at Kira, noted her rank, and answered directly, "Yes, sir. Due to the condition of the prisoner, the constable didn't think more than one would be necessary. There is, however, as an extra precaution, a forcefield around the entrance."

Kira frowned, "What do you mean 'the prisoner's condition'? Has he been injured?"

"No, sir. The prisoner has been quite docile. However, the constable wasn't quite sure when the sedative Dr. Bashir gave Dukat would wear off or what his reactions would be when it did, so he ordered the forcefield."

Oh,no. Sedated? This was definitely going to be harder than she had thought.

"Very well, lieutenant," she said in her most authoritative, don't-question-me voice, "If you will do the honors, please, I need to enter."

She waited for the lieutenant to drop the forcefield so she could enter. After a few seconds hesitation, he did as she had ordered. Kira stepped to the door and it slid open silently. Mentally crossing her fingers, she stepped inside.

The lieutenant wondered for a moment if he should inform Constable Odo of the major's presence. He knew the major's reputation and her purported feelings toward Cardassians. However, he was also Bajoran. He smiled slightly and turned his back again towards the door. If she wanted to exact a little revenge, no one would find out from him.

Kira paused just inside the door. It hissed shut behind her and she took a few seconds to acclimate her eyes to the dimness she had entered. She slowly looked around the room. It looked quite ordinary, barring the rather large amount of paintings that covered the walls. Kira noticed almost immediately that they were all ones that Ziyal had done. She continued her scan of the room, trying to find its occupant. Then she spotted him. He was sitting in a far corner of the

room, legs pulled up to his chest, arms crossed and head resting on his knees. Kira felt an odd lurch in her stomach at the pathetic sight. Stepping cautiously, she slowly made her way deeper into the room. She sent up a quick prayer to the Prophets for guidance and then quietly made her way over to Dukat's side. She sank gracefully down beside him, setting her things down on her opposite side.

Alright Nerys, it's time to make good on your promise. You're strong, you can do this.

With a deep breath, she reached out her hand and laid it gently on his arm. She felt him tense at her touch but he did nothing to acknowledge her presence.

She spoke in as low and soothing a voice as she could muster. "Dukat, it's me, Major Kira...Nerys. I've brought you something."

She waited tensely to see if he would answer.

He knew as soon as she entered the room. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, he had recognized her distinctive scent as she had moved silently into his quarters. It didn't matter. He couldn't face her and sincerely hoped that if he just ignored her long enough, she would eventually take her tormenting presence away.

But she didn't. Instead, she came over to where he was and sat down beside him.

Leave me alone! His mind cried out in agony, trying to sink deeper into itself to escape the painful words he knew would come. He already knew it all. It had been repeating non-stop thru his mind ever since SHE had died in his arms. He had killed his daughter. His Ziyal, the only light he had left in his life. He had allowed her to die and done nothing. He was everything they said he was. It was all so useless and he knew it...and he couldn't bear the knowledge.

What could she possibly say that his torturous conscience had not already thrown at him?

He heard the soft rustling as she seated herself beside him. And then he felt her touch his arm. He automatically stiffened in self-defense. Then she did something even more unexpected. She spoke softly, her voice devoid of the harsh edge it usually carried when she addressed him.

"Dukat, it's me, Major Kira...Nerys. I've brought you something."

Well, he KNEW who it was. He may be mad, but he wasn't stupid. Oh yes, he knew he was loosing his mind. The sedative the good doctor had given him was only holding the pain and the voices at bay. It would wear off and then he knew he would be at the mercy of his unforgiving conscience once more.

So, she had a gift for him, hmm? Ordinarily, he would be extremely wary of anything the major might think of giving him. Right now, he really couldn't care less.

"Dukat...please. Look, I know we've had our differences Ha! He thought, that was an understatement! but I think...I think that Ziyal would have wanted you to have this."

He thought for a moment. Please? She had actually said _please_ to _him_? And what would she have from his daughter that she would even consider giving to him? His ever lively curiosity piqued, he made the tremendous effort of dragging himself out of his depressed stupor. He slowly turned his head and saw her sitting beside him, an expression on her lovely face he couldn't quite decipher.

Kira watched as he turned his head, ever so slowly, in her direction. She swallowed nervously, not quite sure what to do now that she actually had his attention.

"Well, major, care to tell me what it is?"

His voice ran over her like an electric shock. Odd, she hadn't ever noticed how deep it was.

He watched as she gulped and clutched her hands together nervously. It was such odd behavior for the normally self possessed major that he couldn't help being just a little more curious. She suddenly looked up and their gazes locked.

Kira couldn't breathe. She looked up and was caught in his steady gaze. She couldn't seem to formulate any coherent thoughts, much less words. Then, she abruptly remembered what it was that she had brought for him. She tore her gaze away from his and reached down beside her to pick up the small round disk she had brought.

He felt suddenly lost as she tore her gaze away from his. It was one of the few times that she had ever looked directly at him. She seemed to avoid eye contact with him as if it was the Dendrian plague.

She reached for something on her other side and then turned back to him. In her hands she held a small black disk. It rather resembled the base for some form of art. She lifted it up and then pressed something on the other side. An image sprang to life on the little base. It was a hologram of Ziyal. She was standing, hands clasped behind her, a beautiful smile lighting up her face. Kira watched his face closely for a reaction.

Dukat stared at the miniature image of his daughter. She looked so beautiful, he almost couldn't stand it. This was how she should still look. Alive and smiling and so beautiful it hurt just to look at her.

Kira watched as he stared, entranced, at the image of Ziyal she held in her hand. His eyes filled with tears and he reached out an unsteady hand to take the small base from her.

"Where did you get this?" he whispered.

Kira answered, with a voice suddenly choked with emotion, "She gave it to me, when she first came to the station. I don't know where she had it done."

He looked up suddenly from his study of the small hologram.

"Thank you, major. You have no idea what this means to me."

She smiled tentatively back at him, "You're welcome."


	8. Chapter 8

They stared at each other for an endless moment, neither knowing what else to say. Kira then broke her gaze away, looking down at her hands. She had no idea what else she should do. His tearful gratitude completely threw her off guard. How did you respond to an enemy who was openly vulnerable, not to mention _grateful_ to you? Yet, as they had looked at each other just then, he hadn't _felt_ like an enemy. And that scared the hell out of her.

Ziyal, I could really appreciate some help about now. she thought desperately.

Dukat felt almost as confused as Kira. She had looked at him so unguardedly just now. Never had he seen her that vulnerable, not to him. Could she possibly be softening toward him? The dark well of his mind laughed at such a thought, but even so, he couldn't help a small surge of hope that perhaps, just perhaps, Nerys might be willing to give up some of her hatred of him.

Kira was starting to panic. What was she doing here? Ziyal had obviously asked the wrong person for help. What possible good could she do? She hated Dukat and he hated her. That was that. Granted, he had always kept up a perverse attempt at seduction but that was as much to aggravate her as anything, wasn't it? She shook her head. No. She had done what she came to do. She had given him Ziyal's holo, she would just have to consider the promise fulfilled with that. To stay any longer would be a mistake. She started to rise, intent on escaping while she could.

Dukat noticed the sudden tension emanating from Nerys. She looked ready to jump and run at the slightest provocation. His entire being rebelled at the thought. He couldn't let her leave. Since she had been here, he had felt almost sane and certainly less depressed. She had given him something else to concentrate on and his greatest fear at the moment was slipping back into the dark miasma of his thoughts. He really didn't know if he had the strength to pull himself out again. She was starting to rise, speaking some nonsense about a mistake and he reached out and grabbed her arm before she could get to her feet. She froze and turned slowly to look at him.

He racked his mind, frantically trying to think of something that would make her stay a bit longer, talk a while longer. He grabbed at the first thing that came to mind.

"Wait, Nerys, please...would you tell me about...Ziyal? You knew her so much better...I, I'd like to know something..." he trailed off into silence, cursing his inability to say what he wanted. It had always frustrated him that he never seemed to be able to just say what he wanted to say, not when it was important.

She just stared at him for a moment and he could see her mind at work in those lovely brown eyes of hers. He felt her relax just slightly at the same time as she nodded her head.

"All right, I'll stay."

He closed his eyes and gave an inaudible sigh of relief.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Nerys slowly lowered herself back into a sitting position, Dukat's hand still clutching her arm. She glanced toward it and he quickly released her, looking almost embarrassed to realize he still had hold of her.

Once she was seated, her nervousness returned and she looked down at the hologram that Dukat had set down beside him. She asked softly, "So, what would you like to know?" Realizing that she was going to stay, at least for the moment, Dukat settled back into a seated position.

"Anything you want to tell me. I know so little..." it pained him to think about it. He had stopped to see her whenever he could, but he realized that there were large parts of his daughter's life since she had come to the station that couldn't be covered in the short visits they'd had. And he'd had so little time to try and make up for it...

So Kira began to talk. She had been unsure of what to say at first, telling him her favorite color, foods, and such, but he had shortly interrupted her with a quick shake of his head, "No major, tell me about her." So she did.

Kira didn't know how long they had been talking. Somehow, their talk of Ziyal had drifted to other topics and she was surprised to find out how much they really did have in common. He had a surprisingly wide range of interests and his knowledge of her culture was truly impressive. Even so, by seemingly unspoken consent, they had not asked each other any genuinely personal questions. But there was one question that had been burning in her mind ever since they had rescued Ziyal from the Breen. She knew she would probably never have a better chance than now to assuage her curiosity. Gathering her courage and praying to the Prophets that she wasn't about to make a colossal mistake, she asked him.

"Did you love her?"

Dukat looked slightly puzzled, "Ziyal?"

Kira shook her head sharply, "No, I know you loved Ziyal. I was asking about her mother, Naprem. I mean, I know you said you did, once, but..."

He sat back against the wall and looked down at his hands, "But you didn't really believe me. Tell me, major, would it matter to you one way or the other if I did?"

Kira realized she may have overstepped their unspoken bounds and started to apologize but he stopped her with a gesture. "No, no. It's a valid question and it deserves an answer," he looked up and caught her eyes, "Yes, I did love Naprem. She was a beautiful woman and she had a good heart. Ziyal took after her in that respect."

Well, Kira thought, to quote the good doctor, in for a penny, in for a pound.

"What about your wife? Did you love her as well?"

He looked slightly startled at her question, but then dropped his gaze to his hands again.

"I can see by that question that you know very little of the nature of Cardassian marriage," he sighed and leaned his back against the wall, casting his gaze to the ceiling. Should he tell her? Would it make any difference if he did?

He was silent so long that Kira had decided he wasn't going to answer the question, but then he stirred and looked over at her.

"On Cardassia, marriages are arranged between the members of the noble houses. I was 20 and she 15 when our marriage was made. It was just before my first tour of duty. We had never met each other before the day of our wedding. Galena was a beautiful girl, but she and I had nothing in common. On the night of our wedding, she told me that she was in love with the son of the house of Doro and that she would give me children as was required by law but that otherwise she would appreciate it if I left her alone. Shortly after that, I left for my first assignment. I was stationed on Terok Nor for a little over a year before I met Naprem. She was the complete opposite of Galena. She was so...passionate about life. I couldn't help but love her. And then she gave me Ziyal. By then, Galena had already borne our first four children." He slanted a glance at Kira, "I love all my children, major, but I saw them so rarely and like all Cardassian children, they were sent away to school very young. Ziyal was _here_. I saw her learn to walk and talk and it was obvious from the start that she had her mother's temperament. She was such a loving child." He seemed lost in thought for a moment, but before Kira could say anything, he seemed to come back to himself and continued on.

"And then came the end of the Occupation. I knew I couldn't take them back to Cardassia, it would be a death sentence. And I had seen how the Bajorans treated those of their own who became collaborators and those half-caste children who were among them. The only choice I could see was to send them away, hopefully somewhere they could live in relative peace. I think it hurt Naprem as much to go as it did me to have to send her, but she realized it was for the best and I was resolved to be content knowing they were alive and happy...and then the Ravinok disappeared. And I had nothing. So I went back home and tried to give my life some meaning again by giving Galena and myself another child. But I found out very quickly that you can't replace one child with another and my wife made it quite clear that she would rather I was anywhere but there. So I left."

Kira was utterly stunned at what he had just told her. She tried to digest the information he had given her. A thought struck her as she contemplated what he'd said.

"Wait a minute. Dukat, I thought you had seven children by your wife."

"My wife, major, has seven children. Counting Ziyal, I have six."

Kira was amazed, "So, you mean..."

"If you're thinking what I'm sure you are, major, then you would be correct."

"But, how could that be? I thought illegitimate children were slaughtered in Cardassian society. Afterwhat you just said about 'a death sentence'..."

"And who was to say they were illegitimate? Galena and I were still officially married, any children she had were, by all legal standards, mine."

"So you just let her get away with doing that? Wasn't there anything you could do?"

Dukat looked at her irritably, "What was I supposed to do, major? Cardassian society does not recognize divorce. Publicly denounce her to obtain an annulment? If I had done that then D'nai and Teleth would have been put to death and my children would have ended up being raised by the state. Galena, admittedly, has been anything but the loving wife, but, to give her credit, she has always been devoted to the children."

"But you could be punished for having Ziyal." Kira said flatly.

Dukat lookedbitterly amused. "Well, it is much easier to prove infidelity on the part of the male, especially when there is a child involved. And Ziyal was no longer in danger. Since she wasn't a 'true' Cardassian, there was found no reason to kill her. Society wasn't as tense as it was just after the Occupation. No one cared. After all, I was hardly the first officer to have a half-Bajoran child; my crime was admitting it. And at least Galena was finally able to get what she wanted."

"That being?"

"When a case of infidelity can be proved, then the marriage in question can be annulled. So, she returned to her father's house and shortly there after married Gul Doros."

"While you lost everything."

"Oh, I wouldn't say everything, Major. I still had my health...and Ziyal."

A shadow seemed to drop over his countenance at her name and he looked down, forlornly gazing at the holo of Ziyal.

Kira hated to admit it, but she was being forced to reevaluate some of her earlier preconceptions about him. It was greatly disturbing to her to have to admit to herself that maybe Dukat wasn't quite the paragon of evil she had always assumed him to be. It was equally disturbing to her to think that she had misjudged someone else so badly. She by no means thought of him as a saint but she could no longer convince herself that he was completely the cold-hearted, cruel man she had always accused him of being. She looked at him from the cover of her lashes. He was still looking at the holo of Ziyal. _He's just a man. And right now, he's a man with a lot of regrets and pain to deal with._ She heard Ziyal's words echoing in her head. Kira continued to look at him since his attention was now off of her. Perhaps the one thing that had always bothered her the most about him was that, deep down, she had harboured an attraction to him. Kira knew she had always had a weakness for powerful, authoritative male figures. Anyone could look at her track record and know that. And he had always had both qualities in abundance. No matter what he was doing, he had always exuded the impression that he was in absolute control. Even on that waste of a freighter, he had somehow managed to keep that sense of dignity, even while his pride had apparently taken a blow from it. She had admired that ability. It had been a large part of the reason she had helped them capture that Bird of Prey. However, she had fought tooth and nail to crush her attraction to him. It had always made her feel like a traitor to her own people to even consider it. And it had always made any interaction between the two of them extremely difficult. What made it even worse was that he had never tried to hide the fact that he found her equally attractive. She had always been terrified that he would somehow find out about her illicit feelings and use them against her. Therefore, she had tried to be as abrasive and unpleasant as possible.

And she had always been able to justify her behavior with the knowledge that, no matter how cruel and offensive she was, he had deserved every bit of it. His hatred for and cruelty to her people was proof of that.

But now she was being forced to wonder. Had she been as misled about that as about everything else? What was truth and what was lie? How could she possibly uncover the truth?


	10. Chapter 10

_First, an apology to all those who were reading this story about taking so long to update. Real life has been a bit crazy and that means little time to write. Hopefully, I'll do better from now on. As always, reviews are desired and appreciated, so let me know what you think. Now, as Mr. Harvey would say, for the rest of the story._

Chapter 10

Dukat sat staring at the perfect miniature image of Ziyal. Gods, how he missed her! She had always had a smile for him, always something to talk to him about. It really hadn't mattered to him what it was they had talked about, he was only too grateful that she was there, and actually happy to see him. She was the only one of his children he had ever been able to spend an extended amount of time with. She had given him a point to come back too and it had been so long since he had had anyone to come back to. It had given him an odd feeling of 'home' whenever he was on-station, knowing that she was there and it had made the pain of everything he had lost on Cardassia and what he had been reduced to, bearable. Although he really did love his other children, he had never been as close to any of them as he had been to Ziyal. Even before she and her mother had been lost, he had always thought of her as more _his_ child than the others. It had been devastating to him when they had disappeared.

And now he was having to deal with that same devastation all over again. Only this time, it was so much worse. Not only had he lost Ziyal, he had utterly lost any chance he had at rebuilding his life and his reputation on Cardassia. And this time, he had no one to fall back on, nothing to turn to. The only person he had left that he had any kind of claim to, hated him.

He truly had no idea why Nerys was here, unless it was some obscure Bajoran death ritual she was performing for Ziyal's sake. Oh, he had no illusions where Kira was concerned. Not anymore. She had never tried to hide the fact that she loathed the sight of him, and, because he didn't have any illusions, it was even more painful to him that she was here now. He really didn't know how much more he could take before he totally fell apart yet perversely, he still didn't want her to go. If nothing else, talking to her had managed to keep the worse of the voices at bay. He looked over at her. She was staring at him with a deep, introspective look on her face. He wasn't quite sure she was even seeing him. He watched as her eyes suddenly cleared and drew sharply into focus. She then saw him staring back at her and she gave him a small, self-depreciating smile.

"I'm sorry. Was I staring at you? I was kind of off in my own world there for a moment."

He returned her smile with a slightly bitter one of his own, "So I noticed."

She caught the inflection of his voice and looked away. All of a sudden, it simply became too much for him to handle. Roughly he asked the question that had been on his mind ever since she had arrived.

"Why are you here, Nerys? What do you want from me?"

She looked back at him, a frown wrinkling her forehead and again took him totally off guard.

"Do you know the Bajoran death chant?"

"Come again?"

"The Bajoran death chant. I'm sure you must have heard it before, even if you didn't know what it was."

"I'm vaguely familiar with it but why would you possibly care?"

She shrugged and looked away for a moment, uncomfortably. Nervously biting her lip, she looked back at him.

"I thought…," she sighed and straightened, almost imperceptibly, "I thought that you might want to do the chant with me." He stared at her, stunned and she rushed on, "I don't know what death traditions Cardassians have outside of the non-Cardassians-can't-view-the-body one. But Ziyal _was_ half-Bajoran and I thought she should have a death chant. You don't have to do it. I know it's supposed to be done only by close family but since we were really all she had here I…"

Dukat reached out and touched her hand, effectively silencing her nervous babble.

"I would be honored to do the death chant for her," he looked suddenly pained, "however, I'm afraid I don't know it."

Kira smiled, relieved. "It's alright, its very simple, pretty much just a repetition of the same lines with a variation here and there."

He made a wry face. "Oh, is that all? I'm so relieved."

She caught the humor in his statement and smiled then set about teaching him the ancient words.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

They sat facing each other, ringed by the prayer candles Kira had thoughtfully brought with her. She had considered bringing her Duranya lamp but it was just too difficult to move. However, looking at the effect the candles gave the room now, the small circle of light surrounded by warm shadows, she thought that her choice had been a good one.

The only light in the room was the candles and the dancing shadows that they cast on the wall was faintly disturbing to Dukat. He forced his attention away from them and turned it back to Nerys, who was just lighting the final candle which stood between them. She then sat back and looked across to him.

"Are you ready?"

He slowly nodded, "I suppose."

She grinned, "Don't look so worried. It's not a test." She then reached out her hands. He looked at her outstretched hands and then back up. Hesitantly, he reached out and took them in his own. She closed her eyes and began to hum softly. He couldn't help but stare for a moment. She was so lovely. The candlelight did wonderful things for her, flickering depths and shadows across her countenance and giving her an almost ethereal beauty. He quickly closed his eyes before they and his longing ruminations caused him to want things he had no hope of gaining.

She began the chant and he listened for a moment to catch her rhythm and then fell in with her. As they continued on, he began to feel curiously soothed. The scent of the candles, the calm cadence of their voices and most of all the reassuring feel of Nerys' hands enfolded with his own brought him a peace of mind he hadn't felt in ages. In fact, he wasn't altogether sure he had ever felt this calm and at peace. He had an overwhelming urge to want to thank whatever deities that be for allowing him this moment. He had the uneasy feeling that this peaceful moment would have to last him a long time.

As the last note of the chant died away, Nerys opened her eyes. Dukat sat with his eyes still closed, a look of calm repose on his features. It occurred to her in that moment that he truly was a striking man. Though alien, his face and form were quite pleasing to look at, the candlelight playing over his features. She tried to gently remove her hands from his grip but he stopped her with a slight squeeze.. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Is there anything else to this ritual?"

"No, not really. Some people add other prayers or speeches, its really up to the persons performing the ritual. But the chant is sufficient to itself."

"I see," he let go her hands and looked away for a moment, seeming to ponder one of the paintings on a far wall. He then spied the bag she had brought with her. He tilted his head back toward her and then, cocking an eyeridge, gave a speaking look back to her bag.

"Well, major, you've given your gifts and we've said our prayers, what else is there left to do?"

She noted immediately what he was looking at and couldn't help a small, sheepish smile.

"Well, I guess I thought, if all else fails, we could always explore the human method of dealing with grief, at least as per Chief O'Brien."

Both eyeridges now raised.

"And what, pray tell, IS the good chief's suggestion for such a thing?"

Kira rose gracefully from her seated position and went to the bag, removing the bottle of kanar and the other bottle of brandy. With a bottle in each hand, she turned to jiggle them slightly in his direction.

In her best O'Brien interpretation, she stated, "Why, ta drink them away, o' course!"

He started laughing and as he reached for the kanar, she reached into the bag for the glasses.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Kira slowly opened her eyes and took stock of her surroundings. These were definitely not her

quarters but her sluggish mind was having difficulty remembering just exactly who they DID

belong to. She sat up to get a better look around and promptly clutched her head to keep it from

violently separating from her body. She lay back down with a pitiful moan.

By the Prophets, she hadn't felt this bad in...well, she didn't think she'd ever felt this bad before.

She moaned again from sheer misery. _What in the hell had happened last night?_

"Good morning, Major. I trust you slept well last night?"

Kira cracked one eye just enough to observe as Dukat entered the room. _Oh, hell._ Now she was

starting to remember. She remembered bringing out the bottles and glasses and making numerous

toasts to everything from Ziyal to the color of the Bajoran peko birds multihued plumage.

Oh, Prophets! Just how drunk had they gotten?

However bad, she seemed to have reaped the worst of it, she thought, as she listened to Dukat tunelessly hum his way around his quarters. Why in the name of the Prophets was HE feeling fine and chipper while she lay here in misery?

"If you don't mind my saying so, major, you look a little the worse for wear. Perhaps some

breakfast would cheer you up?"

Kira moaned at the thought.

"You are sick! How can you even look at food right now?"

Dukat smiled to himself and then looked over at Kira, curled into a ball of misery on his couch

and clutching a pillow over her head.

"I suppose that means that you were unaware of the fact that Cardassians, as a rule, don't

generally suffer from the after effects of too much liquor?"

He smiled even broader when he heard her mumble something that sounded suspiciously like a

rather nasty Bajoran curse, but with the pillow in the way, he couldn't be too sure. However,

knowing Kira...

He decided to leave off teasing her for the moment and continued replicating his breakfast. He

had actually awoke this morning with a ravenous appetite. When he considered how little he had

eaten in the past few days, it really wasn't surprising. What _was_ surprising was how much better

he had felt upon waking this morning. Despite a very slight headache from the amount of kanar

he had consumed on top of the sedatives he had taken, and the stiffness in his body from the

cramped and awkward position he had slept in, he felt better than he had in days. No crushing

cloud of grief and despair had waited to greet him as he left his slumber. As he had sat up on the

couch and tried to get up, he promptly remembered why.

Nerys was curled up in front of the couch asleep, her hand still wrapped around her glass and a

pillow clutched over her head. He had almost stepped on her. Shifting downward so he could

move without disturbing her, he got off the couch and stood up, stretching his cramped muscles.

Then he looked down at her.

_Poor Nerys, she was going to be absolutely miserable when she woke up. _

He remembered quite well the previous night and he also remembered just how much

she had put away. She had even condescended to try the kanar.

He looked down at her prone figure and, deciding to take pity on her, he plucked the glass out of

her hand then picked her up and put her on the couch. She'd still be miserable when she woke

but maybe at least she wouldn't be as sore and cramped. Her smaller size would allow for more

stretching room on the couch than he had had. On that, he turned and went to find a shower and a

change of clothes.

Now he looked over at her as he sat down to eat, wondering if he should perhaps order something

for her anyway. Food was obviously out but, deciding a gesture of mercy and friendliness might

be in order, he replicated a glass and sat it on the low table beside her.

"Nerys?"

"Mmmph."

"You might feel better if you drink this."

She lowered the pillow enough that he could see her skeptical look.

"Dukat, I'm pretty sure that the only way I could possibly feel better right now would be if I were

dead. And since I would have to feel better to die, it's not looking like a possibility right now,

OK?"

Trying very hard not to laugh, he held the glass up in front of her.

"According to the replicator, this is the hangover remedy most of the station crew seems to use. I

was truly astounded to see how many times in just this month this particular item had been

ordered. Who would've thought a Ferengi could come up with something this useful."

She seemed to perk up just slightly. "Is that Quark's Quick Fix?"

He gave her an amused look, "Tried it before, have you?"

She held out a hand, beckoning for the glass, "Just pass it over please. And since you seem

disposed to be helpful, a cup of raktajino would be very much appreciated."

He stood up, giving her a little mocking bow, "As the lady wishes." He then strolled over and

ordered the Klingon coffee she had requested.

He carried it back to her. She had managed to push herself into a semi-sitting position and

reached out for the mug he handed to her. She then downed the Fix in one hand, with a truly

awful grimace, then quickly followed it with a drink of her coffee. Placing the empty glass on the

table, she slowly leaned back into the couch, eyes closed, and cradled the warm coffee mug in her

hands.

Dukat watched this procedure with some amazement. He was really quite curious to know what

could possibly make up the Ferengi's fix to cause such a pained look. However, wisely deciding

that in this case, discretion just might be the better part of valor, he decided to leave her to her

raktajino and returned to his own breakfast.

Kira sat on the couch with her legs pulled up to her chest. She closed her eyes to try and curb the

awful pounding in her head and prayed to the Prophets that she wouldn't absolutely disgrace

herself by being sick. She prayed fervently that the Fix would kick in soon. It was utterly

humiliating to be in this bad a condition and in front of DUKAT, of all people!

What had she been thinking? Kira sat there, grimly berating herself for her stupidity and

drinking her coffee, her mood getting darker and darker. Conversely, she was starting to feel

much better. Even the scent of breakfast which, when she had first awoke, made her sick, was

now beginning to be faintly appealing. Even so, she absolutely refused the thought of eating. Less chance of causing herself more humiliation in case the fix didn't fix quick enough.

"Excuse me, major, but it just occurred to me. Shouldn't you be reporting for duty quite soon?"

Kira almost panicked before she remembered that Sisko had ordered her off duty for the next few

days. She relaxed unconsciously back into the couch and gave a sigh. "No, actually, I don't." She

shot a side glance in his direction, "The Captain has ordered me off duty for the next couple of

days."

"Is that so?"

She opened her eyes at that and turned her head to look at him. He was still seated elegantly at

the table, apparently finished eating but still drinking negligently at his tea.

"Yes, that's so."

"So does that mean that I get to enjoy the pleasure of your company for today, as well?

She took a large swallow of her coffee, closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the

couch.

"At least until I can get up off this couch without falling on my face or making a run for the

bathroom."

He smiled broadly at that. He had a reprieve. He had been quite nervous at the thought of being

left alone again with nothing but his thoughts to occupy him. However, after the weakness he had

displayed last night, he had been determined to send her on her way with at least an attempt at his

usual flippancy. But now he didn't have to. It was a great relief to his mind. A Nerys with a nasty

hangover was bound to be bad, he was sure. However, it would be ten times better than no Nerys

at all. He just simply could not bear the thought of being alone again, not yet.

Nerys suddenly opened her eyes and looked over at him as something registered in her mind that

hadn't earlier.

"You're not wearing your armor."

Dukat, startled, looked down at himself and then back at her.

"Well, it did seem rather pointless as I'm obviously not going to be going out of this room

today."

Kira was embarrassed. Of course he wasn't wearing armor, why would he? After all, it was as he

said, he sure as hell wasn't likely to be leaving this room today, so why bother? She had, in all

honesty, never considered the fact that he might ever wear anything besides his uniform. She had

certainly never seen him in anything else. However, the dark blue outfit he had on now looked no

different than anything any off-duty officer might wear. And, if she was continuing to be honest,

she had to admit that it looked good on him. It was well cut and the blue was a nice foil for his

coloring. She also had to admit that he didn't seem nearly as intimidating and, well, HARD, as he

did in the typical Cardassian military uniform. It was disconcerting.

Trying to break the sudden tension he felt at her perusal, Dukat stood and began clearing the

table off. Over his shoulder, he asked, "Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

Kira considered the question. She was beginning to feel much better and she guessed that the

lingering traces of nausea she felt could probably be dispelled with a light meal.

"Actually, yes, I do think I could eat." She swung one foot off the couch and shifted her weight,

preparing to get up, when suddenly, the world swam around her and she found herself sitting

back down on the couch, hard. Grabbing her head to stop the spinning, she groaned. "On second

thought, maybe I'll just wait a few more minutes."

Dukat looked at her, arms crossed and eyeridge cocked, "When was the last time you ate?"

Kira tried to think but gave it up, "I don't know, yesterday, I think?"

Dukat gave her an exasperated look, dropped his arms and going over to the replicator, ordered

an assortment of breakfast items. These he carried over and placed on the table. Then he walked

over to her.

"Do you think you can walk?"

Kira was indignant. "Of course I can walk! I just don't want to right now."

His lips twitched. Gods, she was a handful! He couldn't help but love her.

Before she could protest, he swept her up and carried her to the table, dropping her

unceremoniously into a chair. He then sat down across from her.

"Eat. You'll feel better."

Kira looked belligerent. "I'm really not all that hungry," she stated, even as she eyed the moba

fruit in front of her.

He refused to let her win such a self-defeating argument. She was practically starting to drool. He

leaned forward, a determined glint in his eyes.

"Oh, you'll eat. If I have to sit you on my lap and force feed you myself."

Kira glared at him. He was fairly certain that if a look could have killed, he would be fallen over

dead by now. He only leaned further back in his chair, crossed his arms over his chest, and glared

back.

Nerys suddenly felt ridiculous. Why was she arguing? She was starving, her stomach practically

turning itself inside out and she was arguing because...because...why? Kirapromptly propped her

elbow on the table, leaned her forehead in her hand and started giggling.

Dukat looked at Nerys in concern, wondering if she was alright. However, he quickly saw that

what he had thought was crying was actually laughter. He frowned, confused. Why was she

laughing?

Kira chose that moment to look up and caught Dukat staring at her as if she was a Breeot with

two heads. That made her start laughing even harder.

He didn't know what to make of her. First she was so mad, she looked ready to kill and now she

was laughing so hard she was almost falling out of her chair. He watched her as she sat across

from him, howling with laughter. He couldn't help it. His innate sense of humor always got the

best of him. His lips twitched and before he knew it, he was laughing as well.

Kira started to calm down, wiping at her eyes and trying to breathe. Dukat did the same. Kira

looked over at him sheepishly.

"I think I've been under too much stress lately." Looking away from him and at the table, she

snagged a moba fruit and some Kona bread. Placing these on her plate, she looked back at him.

"One of these pitchers wouldn't happen to be raktajino, would it?"

He sighed, realizing that was all the acknowledgement of her rude behavior she would make. He

thought he was rather lucky to have even gotten that. Reaching across the table, he picked up one

of the pitchers and poured some of its contents into a cup for her. She took it wordlessly and sat

it down beside her plate.

As they sat there, she began to eat. He sat watching her, acutely aware of how alone they were

together. For once, he could think of nothing to say. All he could think of was the woman across

from him and how desperately he wanted her. He wanted everything about her. Her smile, her

laugh, her thoughts. Even her nasty temper and sharp mouth...and most definitely her body.

Gods, how he wanted THAT. But sitting here with her, like this, made him want it, want HER,

with every fiber of his being. He looked away, willing himself to think about something else,

ANYTHING else, except the one thing he would never be allowed to have.

It all suddenly struck him as being so unfair. Everything. His whole, damned life. It was all such a joke. And his attraction to this crazy woman was only one more infuriating mystery to add to the mess.

Why was she so stubborn towards him?

It seemed imperative to him that he find the answer to that question. All these years, he had tried everything he knew to just get her on civil terms with him and it always failed. Even when he had thought he was making progress, something would happen and it would all fall apart again.

He couldn't really explain why he felt such a need for her to forgive him, to accept him. He only knew that it had always been something he had wanted, no, NEEDED to have.

He then turned back to her.

"Nerys, may I ask you something?"

"Yes, but only if I get to ask you something in return."

He gave a slight smile, "Fair enough."

He looked down at his hands, wondering how to ask what he wanted to know. Taking a deep

breath, he looked up at Nerys and spoke the question that had burned in his mind for what

seemed like forever.

"Why do you hate me so very much? I know you have no love lost for Cardassia or her people

but I also know that you are not so close minded as to be unable to forgive. Ziyal is proof of that.

Even Ghemor was proof of that! Why is it that you cannot seem to forgive ME?" He stopped

abruptly, acutely aware that he had perhaps shown too much of his feelings with his questions.

Unable to sit still with the tension now heavy between them, he stood and paced to the other side

of the room.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Kira was speechless. Whatever she had been expecting, it most certainly had not been THAT!

She lifted her gaze and saw him standing across the room in front of the view port, arms crossed

tightlyin front ofhis chest while he stared stoically out at the stars. She simply couldn't believe that

he had asked that. That he had HAD to ask that! All the atrocities that Bajor had suffered ran

with dizzying speed through her mind.

Her vision dulled as she saw the ghostly faces of all the dead and dying Bajorans she had seen during the Occupation come floating before her mind's eye. Anger and pain swelled in her breast and the food in her mouth turned to ashes. _Forgive?_ _How could she forgive that?_ And for that matter, why should she hold anything against Ziyal? She was half-Bajoran and, despite her parentage, Kira would never hold a child at fault for the sins of its parent.And Ziyal _had_ been a child. _She_ didn't order the executions, _she_ didn't oversee the mining facilities where Bajorans were treated worse than the lowest caste slaves.

And Tekeny. She felt a stab of pain just at the thought of him. He was a good man who truly repented the wrongs his people had done to hers. In his own way, he had done the best he could to right them. He had earned and deserved her respect and forgiveness.

Her vision cleared and she saw Dukat, still standing before the viewport. What, _WHAT_ had he done to show his remorse? Left his daughter to die at the hands of a ruthless enemy? Brought war to the entire quadrant? He wanted forgiveness but, was he even sorry…for _any_ of it? Slowly, Kira stood to her feet, placed her hands precisely on either side of the plate in front of her and leaned forward over the table.

In a deadly quiet voice she hissed at Dukat's rigid back, "Forgive you? You have the _nerve _to ask for forgiveness for things you're not even _sorry_ for? Are you sorry about the things you did to Bajor? Are you sorry for the hurt you caused your daughter? Are you sorry for starting a war that will bring not only your people but this entire _quadrant_ to its knees before its over? Ziyal had _nothing _to forgive and as for Tekeny, at least he repented his past actions and tried every way he knew to make up for them. I respected that. I respected _them_. I don't respect you."

Silently, Kira threw down her napkin and strode to the door. She stopped at the forcefield, but after a brief, violent order to the surprised day guard, the forcefield dropped and the doors swished open. Without a backward glance, Kira stormed out past a very confused guard and down the corridor.

The door swished gently to behind her and Dukat heard the soft hum of the forcefield as it reactivated. All the pleasure of the morning and peace of the night before had been stripped away and left him feeling hollow and painfully bare. He slowly let his head drop until it touched the cool plastisteel of the viewport. He swallowed hard against the ache in his throat and chest and whispered to an empty room, "That wasn't what I meant."

He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the cloud of pain and despair he could feel settling over him once again.


End file.
